The Tortured Thoughts Queen Amidala

it's been a long time. dangit jennie, i guess i need your msn/hotmail thing, cause i can't keep up with this.
i have failed.
*shakes head in despair.
and i watched star wars episodes 1 2 and 3 tonight.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: king crimson-moon child.......weird song

alright LJ,
today me and aziza are going to paint our faces white with this sweet white makeup we found called "1990 fair" and do some crazy elaborate makeup and hang around downtown being mimes. it's awesome. i will attempt again, to post a picture so you can see what we're aiming for...

Current Mood: ahh chipper (love that WORD!)
Current Music: death from above 1979, what? what?

well

i went to a birthday party tonight. a pirate party. i saw night at the roxberry, it is AMAZING. it was...DIABETIC!!!
man teresa, i know you wnat a faves list from me, so i'll make up my own for you....


fav type of milk2go: sh-shaking strawberry

fav type of oatmeal to go: cinnamon roll

fav style of food: SPICY indian, whoo.

fav apartment to crash: teresa and dayles's.

fav girls: your names have formed an acronym...tdjj figure it OUT.

fav singer you would totally hook up with if he wasn't a
homosexual..and dead: freddie mercury

fav singer you would totally hook up with..if..well..shut up!: connor oberst

fav movie as of tonight:night at the roxburry

fav kiss: WHAT?? how did THAT get in there???

fav pickup line: youre so hot you remind me of licking cotton candy off a baseball bat (courtesy of adam brewster_

another fav pickup line: you know what causes global warming? well..it's YOU!! (courtesy of that mark kid at camp, yeah i WISH he said it to me, damn jessiqua and her beautiful face!)

fav flirt line:oh the cleverness of you (peter pan)

fav song: sex dwarf, the cover of a soft cell song by leaether strap i think. ok, its not my favorite, but it intrigues me.

fav new band at the moment: smoosh

fav interesting band: the blood brothers

if i could be anything: i'd be a robot.

my secret power: i talk to garden gnomes

my darkest secret: my true idetity is a 52 year old russian man named rawol, he likes having little boys for tea parties.

fav thing to do tomorrow night: death from above 1979

fav thing to do right this second: get some sweet sleep.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: rocket summer

ugh blagh. blarrg.

man teresa, i filled out that favorites list, but my computer messed up and wouldn't let me post it, how agravating. plus, i'm a tad embarassed, and i'm sure you don't want to here about kisses and sex positions, so i mean, all you really need to know is that you and dayle totally win my favorite people award! as well as jennie and jessiqua. it's absolutely a coincidence that you guys are the ones who will read this.

man, am i SICK. BLEAAHHHH.

today at school, a gay guy came up and told me "youre dreads are coming along WONDERFULLY!" and i was like.."wow, you have no idea how much that means to me." then later, on the bus, a girl looks at me and asks, "so..was it hard taking out your dreads?" i just look at her...i start to mouth something inaudible, then turn my head and start weeping..on the inside. ahahah.

had a weird talk with erica. man, you know, she's so deceived, you know i read direct things it's bizarre. and i try and i try desparatly to get Jesus through to her, i mean she clearly says it, she's empty and looking for satisfaction. but she is totally looking in every opposite way, and she's deaf to my words. it's hard to take sometimes. pray for me.
i love her, even though i wish i could just get out of the relationship and forget about her. Bleaah, I have so much history with that girl, and it seems like it's never going to end. She's just this thing that keeps coming back into my life, a reminder perhaps? Of things i don't want to remember? You know, I even thought moving away would help. But now I fear that all is lost, and I'm just this voice thats to far away to listen to. representing a different part of her life that she denies so blatently now.

Bleah, pray for me, I hate losing focus like this.

Hmm. this is ridiculous.

anyway, later days my friends.

Current Mood: hmm..
Current Music: silence

ach.

RAIN is my mortal enemy. except it's not mortal. it's just my enemy.

today was a half day, so that was pretty sweet. also, a wednesday, which means a free lunch at the salvation army. and they have DELICIOUS food there. it's SO good. cookies and cinnamon buns, and croissants, and soup, and sandwhiches, holy moly, usually i LOVE wednesday..
*in a dark voice*** BUT NOT THIS WEDNESDAY!!

theres this guy named dan woolsly. the typical grungy guy, plays guitar, failing school, has hair almsot as long as mine. hot? not really, no. teresa, i know you were wondering. noo. anyway, he had nowhere to go, and we're at the church eating lunch and he says, so z'mich, i guess i'm going home with you.
and ME, well im happily eating a cookie, and laughing on the inside because my stupid jerk aqquaintance mike petrie just got a h-core haircut that makes him look like a preppy little fou with pocket protectors and colour coordinated..pencils.
so i said "SURE dan" thinking he was joking. he wasn;t.

anyway, i now feel an overwhelming urge to get off this ordinateur and sleep, so i'll make this breif. he got on the bus, i'm like "oooh noooo." so i said, "sorry, going to azizas" but he came to, so we decided to go to the park. anyway, it had rained earlier today, and i cleverly avoided it, knowing the disasterous results that come with rain to my hair. so the weaher is really windy, the sky is dark, and we're runnign through feilds, feeding ducks, hopping fences and chasing horses, actually it was pretty sweet.
sigh, but then it began to rain. and we're MILES from azizas house. so my dreads get all soggy, and i start to feel really sick, (i was sick before, i have a cold, it just got worse) plus i'm on my period, plus i'm FREEZING. it got not fun FAST> then dan is begging us to walk him to his house which is an HOURS walk, and were like, hahaha NOOOOOOO!!! so he starts walking, despite our yells to take the bus, but nooo, apparently he doesn't "believe" in buses. he's definitely still walking, unless someone picked him up, which i highly doubt considering is soaked, yet still dirty appearance.

anyway, we get to aziza's FINALLY< and yeah, she has a really hot older brother, but i didn't care, boys rae the LAST thing i was thinking about. but he was having like a PARTY, so theres like 20 hot guys in the room when we come in soaked, shivering with makeup all down my face (she doesnt wear any) and soggy dreads, it made me sad. especially when one of the guys says to her brother "who's that?" and he goes, "UGH, i don't even want to know". SERIOUSLY!! bleaah.

anyway, so now my hair is gross and stringy and all coming out and i hate the world. oh yeah, WHY? because i called my mom to pick me up and she decided she didn't FEEL like it, despite my desparate plaedings, so i had to walk another 20 minutes in the rain.



OK, i'm done whining. i hope you didn't read this. if you did, i feel sorry for you, asnd you have my apology for being such a whiny fou.

Current Mood: bleah
Current Music: hot hot heat. theyre playing tonight but i can't go. sadness

dangit it didn't work.
i have one thing to say.



GAHHHHHHH!!!!

Current Mood: GAHHH!!
Current Music: GAHHH!!

dear live journal,
i admit, i have slacked off completely, abandoning all early promises of dedication. i have blown you off for quite a long time, being occupied with other such frivolous matters, never thinking of you once.
i could start a long string of excuses, begging your forgiveness, yet putting the blame off myself. but what's the point? the fault is mine alone, and i'm sure that with your wisdom, you could see right through these deceiving eyes. all i can do now is fall to my knees in anguish and ask that you take me back.

well, i went to see a play at the Grand theater today, and now am furious at my mother for not forcing me as a child into singing lessons or dance, despite any tears of protest and whining..because the results are the most amazing thing i've ever seen. all high school students too. MAN.

well, ahaha, i have a band, that i started with this girl lilly. we decided we wanted to have a totally overexaggerated cliche emo/screamo band, called "the dying hearts seek revenge". we took a bunch of pitures of us hiding in grass and crying, it's awesome. we have a fan site, that says all this ridiculous stuff like "win an autograph for dhsr" and "join the forum to talk about dhsr." i'll put up the url soon, i just don't quite know it yet. anyway, lilly gave me some lyrics, and i was suprised, there was good stuff. most of it was hilariously dramatic, my FAVORITE line is "so let the birds chew off our skin/you kill us/you kill us" so i wrote a song about it. our one and only song. it's not bad. it consists of me on guitar (i've gotten better, since lately i've had a lack of friends i could be hangign out with instead of my guitar)shreiking and singing and moaning, while she's on the bongos, whimpering and whispering and singing in a quavery voice. it's great. actually, i kind of like our fist song. i'll see if i can do somehting to record it, and put it on our fan site. ahahah

wow. this is long. hmm, i don't feel like writing anything else. But i think i know hopw to post pictures. s i'm going to try it. one of me with my dreads on a good day. hope it works.
<img src="http://n00088.myspace.com/00088/20/56/88876502_l.jpg" i hope it woorrrkksssss

Current Mood: ahahah ice ladyyyyy!
Current Music: bright eyes..that explains the title

ok, its half past midnight. i have a bad habit of not sleeping. it's bad. very bad. and this is going to be strange, because i have discovered that when i'm tired i blurt out random phrases that baffle even me.
soooo..today those mean little kids walked by me and aziza and said something abut my hair again, so we decided to follow them home and freak em out....i don't know why. but we ended up talking and having a good little chat. it was weird. too weird to explain, and then we walked by these hot guys...talking and hanging out with these little boys, so we abandonned them pretty quickly.
i was crazy bored today, so me and 3 girls, aziza, glenda and lily decided to form a moffia called S.A.L.I.V.A, which stands for steak and liver insult vegan appetites. (don't ask) i'm the head, the italian stallion, more affectionatly called mofiosco...and also there is haircut, skin, and wheels.
just thought id share that. if i gave ut any more info i'd be shot.
anyway, one reason for living is that i am now jennies padawan for learning magic and am SO stoked, don't care what ANYONE says! i've always wanted to be on the inside!!! *sighs with delight**
tomorrow.....i am going to wash my hair!!!!
also, i had..one and a half to two cups of coffee today. and i usually have 3 or 4 so COMMEND ME DARNIT! i told my dad i was an addict, and to my surprise he didn't pay any attention at all....hmm, no, thats too weird, he'll react tomorrow..
by the way, never get a www.myspace.com account. it's stupid, and my friend made me one, and i hae it, and now i have guys who add me and talk to me and i'm like ahh go away i have herpes!!!
wooaaa, one in the morning? i must sleep. tell me to sleep! ahh i hate this. i want to be tired at night!!!
*whimpering and whining*

Current Mood: stupid nervous system
Current Music: are you kidding? its 1!!

yesterday was more of an eventful day than today..but i can't really remember what happened..
oh yeah, except for after school, i went for a walk, walked by the school i'll probably be going to next year, saw a guy i knew, stopped to talk, and then ended up meeting his friends, who ended up showing me around and educating me in the ways of their school. ugh.
i mean, they're all like, "ok, what kind of people you hang out with determines where you hang out. so what kind of people?" i'm like,"uh..the human kind?" i mean COME ON!! i'm going into grade 11, do i really need emotional trauma about entering a high school? i don't THINK SO!! ah well, i'll jsut have to go with my initial plan, which was to stay alone for awhile, and then pick a small vunerable girl, and teach her all my ways, and bring her up to be the second z'micheala. my accompliss. and then together we will proceed to destroy all rules of status and tradition. AHAHAHA
yeah, well the one girl that was showing me around was pretty cool, except she was smoking weed....yeah. but no, really nice and interesting, but she listened to rap i think. BUT i don't think she was strong enough so that i couldn't change her. ahha, i sound so manipulating and evil "changing her". but no, rap is an ungodly type of music, and it's up to me to free all the people of the world from it's harmfull content. THE DEVIL just makes it unpleasent to listen to for christian ears, becauise HE KNOWS, we'll stay away from it, and not steer the rapfanatics away from it. BUT i refuse to steer clear. i'm going in, risking my life to save these poor kids from listening to rap.
yeah. anyway, my hair feels really gross and i really want to chop it all off, but i'm trying to convince myslef to leave it for at least a month or two till they set so i can give them a fair chance.
by the way, there are these rude kids who walk by me and aziza walking home every day, these rude boys, and today we walked by them and the ringleader boy looks at me and says "what the F*** did you do to your hair!!" ok, these boys are like 11, so i don't even know what to say them. we've told them to get some manners, but that usually instigates them, so we try to ignore it. i had to laugh though. aziza looks at me, and says "it looks beautiful." that made me laugh even more. BUT, you know, it doesn't bother me to a huge extent.
ah, oh my. i write so much, even when i have nothing to say. ah blah ha.
hmm, what do i want to go when i finally get out of high school? i'm counting down the days, so i'm trying to figure it out. i really have no idea. hmmmm....
oh SWEET! lasagna for supper. YES!!!!
chimney is a strange word. say it aloud a few times. hmm..i must have a chimney. i'm going to go look for it.

Current Mood: i'm addicted to caffine! :(
Current Music: sex dwarf, by ? it's a CRAZY song.

Hmm, today was bleahok. I got wax for my dreads and am now trying to put it in, and getting very discouraged. it's all very frustrating. but i guess i can keep them in and give them a trial run long enough for me to make some money to cut them off again. SIGH. they just don't seem to be working, pieces are coming out and they look terrible. BUT, i keep telling myself that hair is not important, and it's soo not in the grand scheme of things.
BUT, hah, one semi-amusing thing that happened to me today WAS: ok, there is a total of ONE other guy in my school with dreads, actually its a guy in my classes older brother. so, i WAS sort of thinking, "hmm, ugh, i don't REALLY want him thinking i just got them done to impress him.." because he just came to our school and seems kind of..full of himself. BUT, it's not like i have any image or repuation to uphold so HAHAHA. anyway, i come out of one of my classes, totally exhasuted from lack of sleep and this stupid hour setback thing, i yawn, look around, and this dreadboy is at his girlfriends locker or something looking at me, gives a very benhorling/chrisjohnston-esque hair flip, looks my hair, smiles approuvingly and says.."niiiiice".
i was like...OH BROTHER"ehehe thanks."
so yeas, not only am i accepted by the gangsters, i think the dreadboy has got my back as well.
ahahaha, every day after school when me and aziza walk home, there are these crazy groups of joggers from the other school next to us who run by EVERY day. bitter aziza and i, are succeding in striking fear into their hearts every time they even THINK about running, ahah. it all started when i happened to be carrying a water gun and they were running by. usually we just screech and make bizarre sounds and thrust out our limbs to get them a little weirded out, and today we started chasing them and indiancalling. it's so funny. we get all psyched out whenever we see them , and you can see their sweaty little faces fall. Pretty soon we predict they'll stop running all together, drop out of the sports and become fat fearful slobs for the rest of their lives. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Man, i'm sorry. people who care about themselves enough to stay active BOTHER me ok?
anyway, bleah, nothing more to say.
except pray for me, i'm a coffee addict. no really. i have about 3 or 4 cups a day, and even though it doesnt really wake me up anymore, i can't stop drinking it! balravsfhb!!!
oh, and if you feel kind of retarded, you can pray for my hair too...it looks really bad at the moment.
oh, and thanks for the votes..but i must inform you, i secretly made the SECOND vote worth 10 points, no matter who it is, and it just so happened to be dayle. i know i know, the hippie received more votes, but i'm sorry, thasts just the way it is. i'm doomed to be an emokid for the rest of my life...

Current Mood: ahaha, shes burning with flame
Current Music: the mars volta